Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
