its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
