i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
