Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Randomize
