His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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