He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
whose parrot is this?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
