Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
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You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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