Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
