those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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