I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
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I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
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I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"