my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
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she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
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wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Better not shit yourself at the gym.