I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Dating After Heartbreak
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence