dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted