I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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