So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
