Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
