I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
