Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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