She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
