Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
