There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
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I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
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I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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