remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize