The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
