allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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