ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
