I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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