It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
