why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
