I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
