About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
