I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You need a sexual gate keeper
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
