I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
