Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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