you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize