my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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