Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.