fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
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this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
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Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend