hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...