it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.