You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
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Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.