i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.