Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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