i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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