planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
