He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
