tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
