I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
