Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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