I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
