I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
