so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
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I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
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Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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