Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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