Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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