I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
