He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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