this just has baby written all over it
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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