I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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