trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
