i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
