hotel room ftw
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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