our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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