If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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