but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
