oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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