Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
