Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
