Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You may now shotgun with the bride
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
