I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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