I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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