very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
