we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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