I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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